Well. Things certainly have a way of changing who a person is... This year I have done so many things I said I would never do. I have hurt many people, I have lost many a friend. Here I sit... contemplating. I have left my nursing job. I had to return to the call center as my hours were cut back to 15 hours every 2 weeks. So this way, yes, I will be making less next summer, but as for now it gives my life some structure. By being able to have 40 hours a week of something planned out is awesome. I know I will probably return to dreading work in a few weeks, but as for now I am savoring the fact that this will help me get rid of some new habits I'm not proud of. This week has been a bit of a set-back because I am currently waiting for some passwords to be reset so I can return to being a code monkey. So I am still a little off balance. I think the hardest part of all this is knowing that I invested so much money into the PSW course for no reason. The company I just left actually offers the same course for approx $7000 less than I paid for mine. The only difference? It would not give me the national documentation to prove that I am a registered PSW, and can work anywhere in Canada. Although I would still be qualified to work with that company and be paid the exact same wages had I not written my nationals.

Here is some advice for you deviants who have not messed up your lives with debt. Don't go to school until you are absolutely sure it is what you want to do. I sit here before you with loans that I am now going to have to pay off with a slightly more than minimum wage job. Life is hard. Some people are dealt winning hands, and then there are people like myself who work our asses off and still do not come out any further ahead. I hope someday my creative side will shine through and someone will recognize me for the talented individual I am. Until then? I sit on my couch and try to be content with what I have.

Well deviants, here I am writing this journal at 3:40 am, thinking about taking some risque photos. I have confidence in myself, I am just not sure of who I want seeing them (if ya know what I mean) Basically don't want pics getting into the wrong hands. Although it is nude photography not pornography. I find some people still do not understand the difference or see all scantily-clad women/men as something to become aroused by... just a thought...

Anyway, here is whats going on with me.

I found a job at Loch Lomond Villa. I am currently working my ass off because there are so many available shifts. I frankly feel odd having a day off now, which I find quite alarming. I haven't had much time to post pictures or check up on my devArt page, but hopefully I will start remembering that art is still a part of my everyday life and all I do. Speaking of which, I will be returning to school sometime in the not-so-near future to fulfill my dream of becoming a 5 star chef. I have dreamt of it since I was young. But unfortunately my high school guidance counselor "guided" me towards the health related career I was also considering at the time. Turns out I am not so thrilled about changing the "diapers" of the elderly. Honestly, I can't think of anyone who is passionate about it, but I may be surprised one day. But it is definitely not for moi.

Umm... still haven't left my apartment. I have sort of grown attached to this place. I think I may be leaving at the end of the month, but I don't want to jinx it now.

I have adopted another cat. A chocolate Siamese named Widget, who seems to be very active and has finally gotten my other (rather mean kitty) to actually play. Kinky (the mean one) is still a vicious little devil, but it is expected since he came from an abusive home prior to mine.

And that will be all for now. I think I will take those "naughty" photos. But as to whether or not I will post them. You wll have to wait and find out.

*Keep your dreams flowing*

Well deviants. Here I go once more maybe if I updated my journal more people would actually watch for my photography... well... something like that.

So ~ithicine and myself have decided to look into getting an apartment together. I know I JUST moved into my own place (which don't get me wrong, I do love it) If only my heat bill every month wasn't around $300. Then you put the cost of my rent in there ($550) and I am paying a ridiculous amount for an apartment that isn't even remotely comfortably warm all the time. The only warm room is the bedroom, as I keep Izzy and her tank in there. So I am thinking a nice big modern apartment in which to relax in and not want to move out of. All my apartments I wanted to move out of after some time for various reasons (felt like I was trapped in a shoebox, had to get away from psycho-boyfriend, and now the expensiveness) *sigh* oh well. I'm sure things will go better.

As for my PSW program, I have successfully completed my course and am currently seeking employment within the nursing community. So I'm hoping my prospective jobs I have lined up turn out great for me. Attending that school was a bad choice for myself, as I don't feel they deserve the amount I spent on tuition to learn common sense concepts... *rants away*

Oh well, I had better get up and get moving. Need to hit the gym, and maybe go on a photography adventure today

Peace Out Deviants

Well in recent news, I am proud of my American neighbors for completing the inauguration of Barack Obama. Finally someone to clean up the act and hopefully makes things a bit better

As for my life though, I am currently in the process of finishing my program. Which I must say is a rather depressing thought, as I don't feel as though this is what I've always aspired to become... So what I am thinking of doing would be to get a job at this whole P.S.W. thing... and then once my student loans are all paid off, I shall pursue other endeavors. Something to express my creative side I'm thinking Interior decorating, Graphic Design, or Culinary technology. I want to go home at the end of the day and say to myself "Yes. I have accomplished a masterpiece, and I want everyone to know." Not, "OMG, no matter what I do, these patients are not getting any better."

Gah... I'm sorry to rant. It's an ongoing battle with myself. At least I will be moving soon to my own place. A nice big one bedroom, with no more roommates to deal with. No more cleaning up after people, and no one making my life a living hell. (Although things have changed a considerable amount with Andrew, I still will more than likely not talk to him, after I move...)

I have already chosen a modern/contemporary theme for the new place. The living room with be centralized around the mantle (OMG LOVE MANTLE/FIRE PLACES ) The bedroom will be a classy Victorian style as I am moving my queen size antique Victorian bed from my parents house into it. So new furniture is something to look into (Can anyone say shopping trip??? ) All I know is, in my mind it is the most ideal apartment for myself. I only needed a little help from my father for the first months rent, as my moving came as a surprise even to me (wasn't expecting to move in till March or April) but I saw this place and just fell in love with it That means (to my local deviants ) I will be having a nice housewarming party. I'm thinking a valentines themed one as it will more than likely be on valentines day ^^

As for my relationship with ~ithicine, things are becoming rather difficult for me. I am in absolute love with him, but due to work schedules we are now working complete opposite shifts, not even sharing the same days off (he has Wednesday & Thursday, I have Saturday & Sunday. He works overnights, I work all day...) UGH!!! See? just seems no way to work around our scheduling conflicts... so my dear deviants I will see how this works out. I don't want to break-up with Gadget as he is the best thing that has ever happened to me ^^ So we shall leave it as is and hopefully it will all work out in the end

Well deviants, I am done my updates for the time being...

catch ya later

Well then, here I am at my field placement, doing personal support working things. I am very much enjoying my time here at the hospital and wish that I could stay for longer. But alas I shall have to look into that later. Hmm... lets see... I am currently on my way to becoming an nurse, (starting with the PSW course, obviously) I probably should have glanced at what had happened in my old note so if I DO repeat old news then you can't blame me as I'm giving my warning now lol I am now in a relationship with ~ithicine which is going quite well. We are taking things rather slowly because I DO NOT want another episode like the last bf (oh dear god if only you knew my dear deviants; if only you knew... *shakes head*). I have made plans to trade in my apartment (and roommate) for something right in town so as not to worry about busses anymore or drunk walks home at 3am XD So hopefully I can get employment in this facility so that I can live close to both work and my favorite bar

As for why I haven't submitted any deviations in awhile, I had a bit of an adventure involving me dissmantling my laptop. Which interestingly enough resulted in it being sent away for repairs and I am currently waiting to get it back, so hopefully sometime before christmas. I also plan on looking for a new "professional camera" in the new year as I am putting together my art portfolio now and looking into creating a nice little business on the side for myself in the future. But of course, I will need a bit of patience with things as I can't do too many things at once.

Last, but not least, the countdown to Christmas begins today. Only 23 days left so get those decorations up and cookies baked. and Happy Holidays to all deviants and happy new years as well in case I cannot update until after 2008 is past.